I read part of a girls' romance novel tonight. Not much, for those of you who were wondering -- a couple of pages. And just to make things clear, it was a Christian romance novel.
You must understand, for me to read such a book requires a very off-hand mood. I didn't set out on this as a project or with a notion in my head. I just picked up a random book, turned to a random page, and read ...
But there was something that disturbed me in my passing perusal of those pages. I thought to myself, "people actually read this stuff?" Here's the deal -- the guy in that book was an entirely fictional character! It was obvious that the book was written by a woman, because it was an image of a perfect male, straight out of pure imagination. Girls, the guy portrayed in that book does not exist! I have never in my life met a man who was even close to what was presented in those couple of pages.
So what's the problem? Expectations. If you read/ have read books like the one I browsed, and remotely think of relationships in that framework, you are in for a disappointing set of relationships. It's nice, it's wonderful, it's everything a girl ever wanted ... but it's not true. Please, oh, please do not live in those books. I'm not sure how to express the repugnance of what I read. Please understand, the story was not bad, nothing wrong was happening, it was just a nice, sweet story of love. But it was almost sickening to me. It was almost like eating cayenne-flavored cotton candy -- a lot of fluff with a horrid aftertaste! It wasn't true. If anyone actually ever believed that book ...
I'm not necessarily saying to stop reading those books. I wish for all my sisters to keep hope alive. Much more devastating than believing one of these books is to give up hope. A impossible ideal may set you up for disappointment and bad relationships (some "games guys play" are based in these false stories), but hopelessness will guarantee you bad relationships and perhaps a horrible life. If books such as these allow you to dream and hope, then continue in them. I believe in fairy tales, for they give us a way of looking at the world that is at once refreshing and real. It is an ideal that creates. "Where there is no vision, the people perish." These type of books can serve a very beneficial purpose, or they can destroy your sanity. Dream, but do not live there. Hope, but do not float among the stars. I would suggest that perhaps real life Christian love stories (like Elizabeth Elliot) would be effectual in keeping a balanced view of relationships.
With God, set your standards for what you are looking for in a guy. Make them pure, true, and based in God. Then settle for nothing less. Focus on becoming the person God wants you to be. As you become more like Christ, God will have freedom in your heart and affections. Those guys who are seeking Christ themselves will notice. And God will be allowed to write your love story.
But even Mr. Right will always and forever be ... a guy.
You must understand, for me to read such a book requires a very off-hand mood. I didn't set out on this as a project or with a notion in my head. I just picked up a random book, turned to a random page, and read ...
But there was something that disturbed me in my passing perusal of those pages. I thought to myself, "people actually read this stuff?" Here's the deal -- the guy in that book was an entirely fictional character! It was obvious that the book was written by a woman, because it was an image of a perfect male, straight out of pure imagination. Girls, the guy portrayed in that book does not exist! I have never in my life met a man who was even close to what was presented in those couple of pages.
So what's the problem? Expectations. If you read/ have read books like the one I browsed, and remotely think of relationships in that framework, you are in for a disappointing set of relationships. It's nice, it's wonderful, it's everything a girl ever wanted ... but it's not true. Please, oh, please do not live in those books. I'm not sure how to express the repugnance of what I read. Please understand, the story was not bad, nothing wrong was happening, it was just a nice, sweet story of love. But it was almost sickening to me. It was almost like eating cayenne-flavored cotton candy -- a lot of fluff with a horrid aftertaste! It wasn't true. If anyone actually ever believed that book ...
I'm not necessarily saying to stop reading those books. I wish for all my sisters to keep hope alive. Much more devastating than believing one of these books is to give up hope. A impossible ideal may set you up for disappointment and bad relationships (some "games guys play" are based in these false stories), but hopelessness will guarantee you bad relationships and perhaps a horrible life. If books such as these allow you to dream and hope, then continue in them. I believe in fairy tales, for they give us a way of looking at the world that is at once refreshing and real. It is an ideal that creates. "Where there is no vision, the people perish." These type of books can serve a very beneficial purpose, or they can destroy your sanity. Dream, but do not live there. Hope, but do not float among the stars. I would suggest that perhaps real life Christian love stories (like Elizabeth Elliot) would be effectual in keeping a balanced view of relationships.
With God, set your standards for what you are looking for in a guy. Make them pure, true, and based in God. Then settle for nothing less. Focus on becoming the person God wants you to be. As you become more like Christ, God will have freedom in your heart and affections. Those guys who are seeking Christ themselves will notice. And God will be allowed to write your love story.
But even Mr. Right will always and forever be ... a guy.
"Every woman has to find out that her husband is a selfish beast, because every man is a selfish beast by the standard of a woman. But let her find out the beast while they are both still in the story of 'Beauty and the Beast.' Every man has to find out that his wife is cross -- that is to say, sensitive to the point of madness: for every woman is mad by the masculine standard. But let him find out that she is mad while her madness is more worth considering than anyone else's sanity."
-- G.K. Chesterton, "Two Stubborn Pieces of Iron" in The Common Man
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